I wrote this post yesterday during the worst slump I’ve had. And even though I called the post “No filter”, I did filter it. I didn’t publish it, I just saved it in drafts. A bit like writing a long Facebook post and deleting it again (I also did that yesterday).

Why am I so much more reluctant to post on the really difficult days? Not every day can be a celebration but I only want to share the positive content and this doesn’t paint a very accurate picture of my life just now. The social media filter is alive and well.

So here it is, yesterday’s post. I’m not going to amend a word of it…

I’ve hit a real low. Like, really really low. I’m exhausted, frustrated, terrified and absolutely at crisis point. There is no point in sugar coating this or adding some social media sheen – I am struggling and I don’t know how to help myself. I don’t know how to give myself the care I need when I have to be at the hospital with Woody or at home with Robin all the time.

I’m spent – physically, emotionally, mentally. And I don’t know what to do.

Any reserves I can scrape together go to my children, not even to my struggling husband. There is nothing left for me.

The worst part is that we don’t know how long we have to endure this torturous life and what our normal will be, when it arrives.

I’m scared because I’m not coping anymore.